Brush Her Hair And You Will Go Deaf

Now, living with two girls, you are going to have the "I don't want to be here" moments. When the little one is getting her hair brushed, it is one of those "moments". As a guy, I guess I am not seeing the reason why you have to scream as if you are summoning demons or as if you have been stabbed several times, but maybe I am not seeing the big picture here.Seriously! After the girl she usually is like the little girl on the right for the next 20 minutes!

Sure, as she grows up, like tonight for instance, we were able to take her mind off of it for a moment while the wife brushed her hair out because the little one really doesn't care if she looks like Dana when she gets taken over by Zuul. (Ghostbusters in case you didn't get that reference). My question is why? Why would you have to scream bloody murder when getting your hair brushed out. I have threatened to cut off all the hair at times to try to make her scream and that only made her scream louder. I guess when it comes to fashion, I know ZERO. Which can be looked at as a good thing.

So often it seems that she uses it as a way to get ONE UP on me. That is the joys about being a parent. I have seen the hair brushing to make sure. It seemed like a was a Referee for wrestling trying to figure out if all legal moves were used. However, the wife holds back her hair to avoid pulling it and brushes out the tangles. Does it still hurt? Sure it does a little, but GOD! That is why whenever the little one is getting her hair brushed, I make sure that I am in my room with my fingers in my ears. I think that is why the bathroom is fully stocked with de-tangling sprays and 3 different brushes.

Many men have to deal with the PMS that women have and granted, men have it too at times, but when you are living with two girls and one is brushing the other's hair, it can be rather frustrating. The little one has beautiful, long hair, but the issue is, she never likes to brush it. So, we have an issue when the wife tries to brush it after it has been neglected (because we are trying to allow the little one to brush her own hair) for a few days.

It may seem like no big deal, but you start to contemplate taking up drinking when your child starts sounding like a pig trying to get away. The set of pipes on the little one makes me want to sign her up on 'X Factor'. I made the mistake of mimicking her when she is in a screaming fit. NEVER DO THIS! She only screamed louder and higher, which I would have had to grab a certain part of my body to be able to reach that note. It is ridiculous. Oh and yeah, if you are still scratching your head over the Ghostbuster reference, here is the clip.

That Would Look Pretty On My Wife!

Living with two girls is great, but when you do things out of the ordinary, then there is something odd about what you used to do and what you do now. This happened a little while ago to me when I was downtown. I saw this attractive woman. Now, before marriage and a child, I would simply look her up and down, smile and go into dream land. Typical man. However what I did next was just silly. My face was like:

This was seriously my face when I saw the woman in the dress. It was pretty creepy I bet.








Thank GOD no one was looking at me....that I know of....otherwise that would have been embarrassing enough. However, the conversation that followed was even worse:

Me: Excuse Me? 
Woman: Yes?
Me: Where did you get that dress?
Woman: Kappahll
Me: Good, because my wife would look great in that dress! Thank you!
Woman: No problem

Seriously? That was strange for me! Yeah, you can chalk that up to I love my wife, which is true, or you can decide that is because of all the estrogen that is in the house. The only men in the house besides myself are two of the four cats that are in our home. It is funny now, but during the conversation, I didn't feel that it was strange at all. At least the woman has a funny story to tell her friends.

This is not the only strange thing that happens when I am out in public. It seems that the women in my life are...dare I say it...turning me into a sensitive male? Quite.

Why Is There Glitter In My Hair?

"It's in my hair? How the *%^ did it get there?!"

Living with two girls, you are going to run into a lot of things that are not so manly. In our house, the girls like to do Arts & Crafts projects. This makes for an interesting time because sometimes, I am the one who has to clean up afterwards. The remnants of glue, colored paper pieces and glitter all over the table is not as easy to clean up as one might think. It requires me to pick up microscopic pieces of paper that have SOMEHOW gotten glued to the table and since the child can't be bothered cleaning up after herself, I am required to literally take a blowtorch to get some of the things off our kitchen table. However, I digress. Back to the GLITTER!

As I was saying, the glitter not only gets cleaned up, but also has the power to SOMEHOW climb up your body and into your hair. This made me ask, "Why is there glitter in my hair?" The fact of the matter is simple, I just don't feel like I want to be a walking disco ball looking like this all day:

It may be sexy for you, but not for me

So, needless to say, it is an adventure trying to get that out of your hair. Glitter, sure it makes pictures go from BLAH to POW, but it is just that the cleanup is so hard! The outcome of what is creates is always great of course. The glitter takes away the manliness in the man's life. There are many things that take the manliness away and this is only the beginning.

For me, I always thought glitter was something that girls put on to be more "hooker-ish". This is why if you ever go into a strip club, the girls are covered in it. This is why I am not a fan of the glitter. It sure makes your pictures pretty, but I feel that it is teaching something to little girls.....something that doesn't need to come to the light at such an early age. Sure, girls may want to walk around looking like pixies, but I sure don't like it. However, this glitter shortage that I dream about is not going to come soon. Since the wife likes to do her nails, she is amply stocked as if it was her year supply of food storage. Alright, maybe not that bad, but it is too much!

You Are SO Going On YouTube!

"DAD! DELETE IT!! DELETE-E-E-E-ET IT!!"

Ever go around the room picking up laundry only to find that you DON'T have a lot of clothes? This happens to me all the time because of the fact that I am constantly picking up girl's panties. Now, in a man's "Bachelor Pad", this would be heaven. However, when the underwear belongs to your daughter and wife....Not cool at all. However, thank GOD that my little girl is 10 years old and I have yet to pick up the panties in which the tag is bigger than what covers up the private areas, yeah I said private areas. No need to get too graphic here.

So you may be wondering by now why the title about YouTube. Now, living with two girls in the house is fun and all and sometimes, you just capture those moments. Sometimes it can be too short of a time and you can't figure out your Smart Phone to be able to turn on the video camera in time and instead you get a picture of this:

Not my child, just an example of what you are going to get when you try to rush through it. But, yeah, that is pretty much what happens a lot!




However, there are sometimes when you capture something special. Living with two girls is easy right now, if you think that PRE-Menstration is fun! This I will talk in further detail when the time comes up. However, the younger girl in the house feels that she can rule the world and thinks that she can say NO to me. It seems like yesterday when my little girl was going around the room singing songs to herself (no, not crazy, just happy). Those days are still here, but beyond the "I'M TIRED!" when she has to do her Math homework to, "YOU ARE RUINING MY CHILDHOOD!" when she is not getting her way, there is a cute little girl who is in this video:

This is my cute little one when she was 3

But she has grown up. Now, speaking of the other girl in the house, this I am unable to control. If I say JUMP, she just smiles and laughs. However, this one I have had around for a year more than the little one. We DO NOT DARE speak her age, this was a mistake I learned when I revealed it to a friend one time. However, the great thing is that she looks younger than I do. 

Sometimes it is good to record a video for blackmail. This is perfect when the little one is doing something embarrassing. Don't EVER try this with the wife because....yeah I think that is grounds for divorce. 

Judge: What happened?

Wife: He video tapped me!

Judge: Were you wearing makeup?

Wife: No.

Judge: Divorce granted! Sir, you are going to jail for that!

Alright maybe not THAT serious, but you get the point. Thus any time there is a cute video with the kid, I feel the need to share it with family and friends via YouTube. However, if YouTube ever got taken down then....I guess no more memories. Think that I might have to get a copy for myself before the Robot Wars, YOU KNOW IT'S COMING! So hopefully I will be able to post in the blog to keep up and interesting. As a parent, you have to roll with the punches and I FEAR that this is only the BEGINNING!!